dopernose:

GEORGE WASHINGTON- Invented America and whittled some teef out of a cherry tree.

THOMAS JEFFERSON- Was a ginger, owned a chain of laundromats.

ANDREW JACKSON- Invented cousin fucking/The South.

ZACHARY TAYLOR- Starred in Home Improvement before falling off the face of the Earth.

MILLARD FILMORE- Had a girl’s first name.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN- First black president.

ULYSSES S. GRANT- Could out drink anyone.

GROVER CLEVELAND- Was named after a puppet and a ghost town.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT- Killed a grizzly bear with his own hands.

WOODROW WILSON- Was an asshole.

FDR- Was half cyborg, had metal legs. Killed Hitler.

JFK- Fucked your girl.

DICK NIXON- Opened a family styled amusement park called Watergate.

RONALD REAGAN- Hated poor people, maintained a flawlessly coiffed jet-black head of hair until his death.

BARACK OBAMA- Is left-handed.